0015 How to Make Friends in University
The Brief
Welcome back Ladies and Gentlemen to the Architecture Student Diaries where it is my mission to help you kill it in Architecture school whilst making you, the best you in the process. Have you either just started University or are about to start University? The chances are that not many of your friends from High School will be attending the same University as you, let alone have the same timetable as you. This means that you will probably be on the lookout for new friends to be by your side through this portion of your life. Maybe you have been at University for a while and either want to find some new friends or have had trouble finding some in the past and want to start trying to build a friendship group? Well, luckily for you I have some terrific tips to help you start building these relationships. It is quite common that the friends you make in University are the friends that you will have for the rest of you lives, rather than your High School friends; so put in some effort to find them and treat them well!
Below is a breakdown of what we will discuss in today's lesson:
Don’t Be Shy
Go Out! Safely…
Be a Good Student
Be a Good Person
Watch Star Wars
Spend Time in the University Congregation Areas
Play Sports
Join Societies and Clubs
Attend Open Days and Events
Do Study Tours
Go to Class!
Now, let’s get into it. Class is now in session.
Don’t Be Shy
A major roadblock in finding friends can simply be shyness. I am someone who was terribly shy growing up but with age I have started to get better at this; though I am still weary at times. Shyness is something that for some people can take serious therapy to get over, but for most people, all you have to do is move out of your comfort zone, bit by bit. If you periodically take small steps to move out of your comfort zone and beat your shyness, you are on track to start making new friends. A fool proof step by step plane is as follows, I will be using days as examples, but it might take you longer depending on your shyness so adapt it to you.
Day 1: Fix your posture, stand up tall with your head up and not down
Day 2: Start to make eye contact with people you walk past and give a small smile to them, not big and intimidating, just a small, kind smile
Day 3: Smile and say a greeting to those you walk by, for example: hello, good morning, good evening, how’s it going? or my personal go to: “G’Day” (yes I am Australian).
Day 4: Sit by someone and start a conversation, to start a conversation give them a complement, ‘I like your shoes’, ‘that’s a nice backpack, where did you get it?’, ‘is that an iPhone or a Samsung?’
Day 5: Start interacting with people as much as you can, starting conversations and joining conversations, you’re ready!
This is only an example routine and it will differ depending on who you are so tailor it to yourself and start making friends! Remember that a smile can make someone’s day, so smile at people on the street, they’ll feel better for it and so will you.
Go Out! Safely…
Going out and partying is part of university life, whether it be house parties, clubbing or just dinner at a restaurant. These social events are important in creating connections with other people, though they must be attended responsibly. Go out and have a good time, but don’t do something that you will regret and don’t do something that other people will see and therefore have a negative perspective of you for. The more you go out, the more people you will meet and interact with and therefore the more people you will potentially be able to make friends with. Do not give into peer pressure though, if you are not comfortable going somewhere or doing something, simply say no. But, if someone invites you to go and get something to eat or have a drink with a few others after an assignment submission, don’t say no, say yes and have fun with your new potential friends. If you are going out though, be vigilant, look out for yourself and the people you are with and don’t leave drinks or food unattended because unfortunately there are some bad people out in the world.
Be a Good Student
The better a student you are, the more reputation you will have for this, and this will place you as a person that people want to know; they may see you as a good influence and someone who could help them. You need to be careful with this one though because you may find people who simply want to be friends in order to use you to get good grades, but this is not always necessary. If you are careful with who you let in, you may just be able to create a super group of students, think the Avengers but with Frank Lloyd Wright, Le Corbusier and Zara Hadid. When you feel that someone may be wanting to be friends with you because of your academic prowess, take a look at their work and work with them for a while and see what they can do. A lot of successful people want to be around other successful people because they push you to be better and I completely agree with this, surround yourself with the highest quality people you can and you will go far. Something that I like to live by is “you are the sum of the five people that you spend the most time with”; this means you are a reflection of the people close to you.
Be a Good Person
This tip is very straight forward and really, I shouldn’t have to say it, but some people really do need to be told. If you are a nice and approachable person, as opposed to a rude and unlikeable person, you will have a better chance at making friends. Don’t put people down or be negative all the time, try to exude confidence, positivity and general kindness; this will draw people to you. It is important that you don’t take this to the extreme and become a push over though, there is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself, just don’t be mean in the process.
Watch Star Wars
I had to add this one in as it was how I found my best friend in University… I have told this story before, but for those who have not heard this before. On the very first day, of my very first year of university and in my very first studio class, I was sat at a table with two other guys as we were told to create abstract forms out of cardboard boxes that we had brought in. One of the others created a shape and I pointed out that it looked like an AT-AT from Star Wars and we have been talking about Star Wars together ever since. So basically, never underestimate your science fiction fandoms in making friends… I guess?
Spend Time in the University Congregation Areas
Wanna know the best place to find other Uni students to make friends with? Uni… If you are trying to find places to meet other people to be friends with at University, you really cannot go past the list below.
The Studio:
I don’t think that I have ever walked into a Universities architecture studio and not seen at least one other person. Architecture students are creatures of large workloads and not stopping until work is done, this means lots of long hours in the studio regardless of the time of day. So, if you are looking for a place to go to meet someone with similar interests, this is the place to be. You need to be careful with how you do this though, do not overtake people’s personal space or stop them from completing important work. Ask them first if they are busy or not and if they say no, start a conversation, a break from their work might be just what they need.
The Library:
The library is a terrific place to go to find someone to talk to, it is a quiet place though so don’t be too loud and obnoxious. Help someone to find a book, to use the printer or ask if someone could have a look at how you have worded a sentence, anything to show that you are approachable and a good person.
Computer Labs:
The computer labs are similar to the studio where there will most likely always be another architecture student trying to finish a render or make a model on Revit. This is such a great place to meet new people and have a lot of laughs over late-night study sessions and find some inspiration.
University Cafes and Eateries:
Most Universities will have a café or an eatery on campus where students will go to grab a coffee or something to eat and just unwind, this is the perfect time to try to make friends. While people are resting and recuperating here, there defences are down and so is their stress levels, this means they are more likely to be open to having a chat and getting to know you.
Play Sports
I know that not everyone is a sports player, but even if you aren’t, playing a team sport can be one of life’s most joyful activities. Through team sport you gain fitness, comradery, a sense of achievement and social interaction all at the same time whilst letting your brain take a break from thinking about assignments or work. I have played competitive team sports for most of my life and have found that the amount of friendships that I have built grows with every team that I compete with; you are presented with people who you need to work with for a combined goal and this helps build relationships. In second year, I decided to start playing in a mixed gender netball competition just to give my brain a break and meet new people. I had never played netball properly before and did not really know what to expect, I found myself really enjoying myself and making a team-load of friends; another thing that helped in making friends here was that I offered to drive some of my team members to the games. Be a nice person, have fun and make friends.
Join Societies and Clubs
Joining university clubs and societies is basically just as good as joining team sports but without the physical activity. So, if you are someone who that sounds good to, this is the one for you! Universities will typically offer lots of different clubs and societies to join, these range from surfing clubs to societies for people who like comic books, so you are bound to find one that you will love and you are bound to make friends in. In third year I became the Vice President of my Universities Architecture and Construction Management Society, subsequently becoming President in fourth year.
Attend Open Days and Events
University open days and events are typically filled with lines of booths filled with free things, food and interesting people trying to get you involved in fun activities. These days are not only a great opportunity for you to get free things and have fun, but also to meet loads of other people from your universities who might also be looking for friends.
Do Study Tours
Study tours are incredible things to undertake and if you are ever given the opportunity to do one, do it! You typically travel to a different country with a group of other students in your course, these students are usually high achieving and will have similar interests to you. I undertook a study tour in my second year of my course and I gained some of the best friends I have ever had; you are pushed to spend a lot of time with these people and you will usually get close with them as you need to rely on each other. Make the most of these study tours, make lots of friends, have lots of fun and learn as much as you can. Unfortunately the Covid-19 pandemic has put a stop to multinational study tours over the past 18 months, though hopefully in the coming years study tours can return to the University curriculum.
Go to Class
Attending class is one of the most important things you can do in University, particularly in architecture school. I have made this point multiple times throughout other articles and I will continue to make it into the future, going to your classes is important, so do it. If you are going to class you are spending time with your peers, and the more time you are spending doing this, the higher your chance of making friends is.
Final Notes
Making friends can be hard and it can be scary. It is something that many people struggle with for the most of their lives, however, if you use my tips above you should be able to make friends without many issues. All that you need to do is work on your shyness and put yourself out there to meet new people and have fun. Oh! And watch Star Wars! That’s all from me today, but can you do me a favour? When you make all of your new friends, tell them about The Architecture Student Diaries! Everyone is welcome here and the more people reading, the more content I am able to create to help you nail architecture school.
Ladies and Gentlemen, class dismissed.
Iain Colliver, SONA, YBA, GKIHS
